Love
What is love? A
feeling, yes you read right, no lyrics to disco masterpiece, a feeling, that
has a hormonal base and is embedded in us by biology to make sure that we
actually procreate in a smart way. Well, guess who can fuck up given all of
this, the author of this blog post that's who. In this little snippet of a
post, I will talk about what I have learned from the battlefield, that is love.
1. The desire to save someone, just to run from your
own problems is not love.
Yep, sometimes in a relationship
you feel that need to go the extra mile even though your partner does not show
you any ounce of accepting what you are giving them but merely tolerates you
giving them affection. Why do we do stupid stuff like that? Multiple reasons,
like maybe we don't feel lovable, or we feel that we haven't given others what
they needed in past relationships, and now we compensate. For me, the reason
was running away from insecurities and a sense of shame about my appearance and
abilities. Whatever the reason is, selfishness no matter how well you dress it
up as love will never be love ( and please for the love of whatever go you
believe in, do not take this as a transphobic statement, sexual sex can be
messed with if you have some of that hormonal treatment, love albeit it is
hormonal should never be something else entirely under the cover, so remember,
you can mess with your sex but you
should not mess about your own motivation to start a relationship). Yeah, by
the way, those kinds of relationships never last. For all the stupid things we
do as humans, reading a feeling is something we sometimes excel at, so love a
girl for her booty or her personality or whatever there is to love about her
but not to make your parent or football coach proud
2. Idealizing someone to boost your ego is not
love.
This is important, for all
those people who keep falling in love with people who will never reciprocate,
hello me, ugh again. Yeah been there, obsessed over other girls just because
feeling something for them felt great, never got a real thing out of that,
should have known but damn when you idealize a girl you too seem to be perfect
in imagining yourself next to her, and damn I love seeing myself as perfect. We
are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be enough, don't get the girl that
is hot, go for the girl you will have fun times with, and with whom you can
joke during sex and that is a sign of a keeper
3. Fearing the free will of another person is not
love.
Oh boy, there we go, yes he or
she is free to leave you at any moment. Love is not Taken starring Liam Neeson,
you are not supposed to find her and marry her whatever it takes. This is hard
to accept because it opens up a whole world of vulnerability, all those
questions, am I enough, will she not prefer a guy with a bigger penis, isn't
our neighbor called Ricardo (a bit NSFW, side effects include pregnancy the
second you witness the godlike body of this hunk, you've been warned). And if
you really listen to these thoughts you discover that they have our own
insecurities at the base, and then you realize damn you need to work on
respecting yourself because if you don't do it, who will? Maybe this was a simplified version, it was, but yeah, it is more fun to let your partner be who
he or she wants to be, and work on self-respect because limiting her or him
because you feel bad about yourself will murder any closeness, and goddamn is
that feeling of being together is worth facing that shame that you accumulated
over the years. Bonus, you might fix whatever mental-health issue you have (
might seek the counsel of professionals if you are having troubles with mental
health, you are not alone, this world tears us up in many bits, but with help
and the love we can bring ourselves back together, don't suffer in silence, you
are important, yeah you reading this.)
4. Closeness is not love.
It is one part of it though,
just don't ask too much from your partner because you created an ideal image of
the "one" in your head, yeah look for a best friend and partner in
crime, but in looking remember that such great relationships take a lot of
talks, a lot of problem-solving, and moments when you have to be open. Anyway don't
get consumed by one detail of the relationship is what I mean to say by this
lesson.
5. Love does not grow from fear.
Obedience does, hatred too, maybe a sense
of superiority, the last one might be nice, but the first too if I remember
correctly are not desirable. Let's just say feeling like you are using someone
feels good, but if you want to experience what it means to fear for your life
because someone else merely coughed, or how good it feels to realize that you
with your own mind and words created a relationship that will make everything
worth it, makes you feel accomplished. At the end of the day, I ain't your pastor
or your dad, suit yourself
6. Always feeling good is not love.
Was anything easy ever good for long?
Okay, masturbation is an exception. Except that nothing, live with that man or
a woman that is reading this, can't help it, that makes life fun and if you
don't believe it, hey it's your right.
7. Love is not losing yourself.
No good rappers will be
mentioned, neither will Italian home-made dishes, hey the best part of a
relationship is to find a person that fits with what you because trust me the
effort of being someone else will progressively take more effort until you
can't take it. Also, don't go to the other extreme of looking for a perfect
human, won't find them, I looked. You are enough, other people are enough, live
with it.
8. Love is growth, love is honesty, love is pain, love
is passion, love is an open discussion, love is sex
Duh.
Wow, that was cliché
in a lot of ways, but hey nothing is original, every good idea was thought
before humans invented fire. If you disagree with some things that I
said, feel free to express that in the comments, I will fiercely debate you,
but it will be fun